Rambling ahead. Read at your own risk.

So, it's 12:17am and I can't sleep. I was so tired earlier, I was falling asleep at like 10:30. And then, I got all uptight because we didn't pray, and woke myself up so we could pray, and now I'm wide awake. And I can't get back to sleep. And of course, Clark is sleeping just fine. So, I'm bored. What else is new? I really need a hobby. I need to do something for my mind, I am kind of going crazy here. I feel like I do nothing to stimulate learning. And I know no one in St. George, that doesn't help. It gets kind of lonely to be here, alone, all day, and then not sleeping at night. I hope that I get to meet new people soon, but I'm not entirely sure how I will do that. I have the ward, and that could be good, but I am so shy it is ridiculous. I don't know how to talk to people, and most importantly how to first approach people. I have this stupid fear that no one will want to talk to me, that no one will want to get to know me. And sometimes I can't blame them. I really don't do anything that exciting. Maybe we need to subscribe to the newspaper, at least then I'd be informed on world events. And I'd love to get involved in the community, I just have no idea how to do that. And getting a job would be good, I know, but I don't know what I want to do. I hated that last job so bad, and I'm not entirely sure why. I liked so many of the people I worked with. There were some bad apples, and the pay was less than desirable, but there were so many good things too. I just don't want to find another job only to hate it just as much. This is a boring post for anyone else to read. I'm just rambling on as I sit here in the darkness, trying to grasp onto some purpose for my life. But sometimes I just need to write things down for me, not for other people. It just needs to get out of my system. I'm just so frustrated that I have nothing to do right now, nothing that I want to do anyway. I want to talk to people, to bounce ideas off them, to share thoughts, and to listen. Unfortunately the only person I know in this town is sleeping. There is a part of me that misses the single life, the staying up late and talking to friends, having friends, talking online to friends, knowing that someone would be up no matter what time it is. I love being married, and I love Clark, I just miss the other friends. If anyone ever wants to comment on this blog, or email me, know that it will always be welcome. I am such a dork, I am afraid to initiate contact with people, even with old friends. But if they called me, I would be thrilled. I sometimes wonder if I am thoroughly messed up. Or maybe it's the late-night-no-sleep talking.