Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Mothers Day

I know what you're thinking.  This is going to be a post all about how great my Mothers Day was, and how spoiled I am by my darling husband and adorable children, and that I had the most incredible day ever.


I'm having a hard time with Mothers Day lately.  When did a holiday about Mothers become so political?

I know so many people who want so desperately to be a mother, and yet they can't, for reasons out of their control.  So how cruel is it to have a holiday that is focused completely on motherhood to remind these women that their dreams are unattainable, and make them feel like a lesser woman for their lack of progeny? 

Or, say, the stepmother situation.  She's not a "real" mom, so Mothers Day becomes this day where she hopes that she is getting what all the "real" moms are, and if it seems to fall short, she feels like her stepchildren don't love her.  No pressure on the stepchildren, or anything.

And even when we become mothers, we feel like Mothers Day is the day everyone talks about how wonderful and perfect mothers are, and we don't quite measure up.  It's a day to feel like a Bad Mom.

Or perhaps you feel like a good Mom who might deserve a day off, a day of pampering and general relaxation.  Only to find that kids still need their moms, even on Mothers Day. 

I mean, really.  It seems like nobody is happy.

I love my mother.  I am so grateful for all she has done for me, and continues to do for me.  She is always willing to help me whenever I need it.  And I feel like it's appropriate to honor her.  But for some reason, I don't want to be honored myself.  And, perhaps more to the point, I feel like this is a holiday about trying to avoid making people feel bad, to make all women feel loved and valued, but in the end they feel bad anyway.  You can't win.  Does anyone else feel this way?  Or is it just me?

In case you were wondering, I did have a nice Mothers Day.  It was low key.  Most of the day was just like any other Sunday.  Clark took care of dinner.  I played with the kids.  I expected very little, and my expectations were happily exceeded.  So I guess I can't say "nobody is happy," because I seem to have struck a happy balance this year.  But this is the first year in a quite some time that I can say that.


Alex said...

I agree, I say we get rid of that stupid holiday forever and ever!!! Muahahahahaaaaaaaaa! ;) Of course I'm very biased, lol. Ironically, I too had a pretty decent Mother's Day this year... I actually went to church for the first MDay in about 4-5 years? It wasn't too bad, and I didn't run home screaming and crying like I feared!

I too try to focus on my own mom and try to leave it at that. I've heard from other moms about that guilt, and I'm sad that you feel that way but I guess that's just the nature of the beast when you're a woman, always feeling guilty about something! LOL

For what its worth, I think you're a fantastic mom and your girls are SO blessed to have you and Clark as parents! =)

Judy said...

I've had lots of difficult Mother's Days (for many of the reasons you mentioned). Of course, my favorite Mother's Days have been when I had missionaries and they could call home. I'm sure they could find another day for phone calls and do away with everything else. They can do away with Father's Day and Valentine's Day too for all your reasons too.

Mindy said...

Amen!! The toughest talk I ever had to give in church was on Mother's Day, for wanting to avoid stirring up all those things you mentioned. It was awful. (the preparing...I actually felt like the talk came out okay) Glad you had a nice day!

Unknown said...

I agree! I'm not a mom, so Mother's Day pretty much sucks for me. My infertile friend doesn't go to church at all, just to avoid hearing about all the blessings and wonderfulness she can't have.

It's a superpolitial holiday somehow. Why is Father's Day not the same? Guys just don't get as worked up about things as we do?

All that said, this year's Mother's Day was not bad. I enjoyed myself, and everyone else around me seemed to as well.

Christy said...

Ahh... yes. I agree. I don't mind Mothers Day literally, per se, it's more the method we celebrate it. I don't like that sacrament meeting is transformed into a diatribe of impossible ideals for women to achieve - mothers and non-mothers alike.

To be clear, I'm not offended by Mothers Day talks. I'm just disappointed by them and weary of them. There is another message I'd rather hear on Mothers Day.