Back in November, I was called to be the Mia Maid adviser in the Young Women program. And a couple months later I was put in as a counselor in the YW Presidency (January, to be precise. Right after I had made all these goals for the new year. Like blogging. There went all my time!). There is a word that has been floating through my mind since November: inadequate.
I have never felt inadequate for a calling before. I think I'm pretty lucky to have made it this far, actually. I have spent a number of years in music and Relief Society callings. I did a couple stints in nursery back in Michigan, which were challenging, but I certainly didn't feel inadequate. Working with the youth is a whole new ball game, and I don't have a clue how to play.
A little fact about me: I'm an introvert. I like to think that I've gotten over being "shy," but I am intimidated by large groups of people. I'd rather stay home and read a book than go to a party. I enjoy being social, but with like 3 people instead of 20. This means that I find it really difficult to get to know these girls. There isn't much time for one-on-one interaction, and if there were, who would rather spend time with their leader than their peers? Maybe that's just me, feeling "old and busted," but maybe not. And if you don't know the girls very well, you can't help them. It's hard to teach lessons on Sunday, to know what their struggles are, to know about their triumphs. It's just hard.
Let's add in the fact that I haven't been involved in the Young Women's Program in, oh, 14 years. Since I was a young woman myself. Everything has changed. Personal Progress is completely different, and I have no idea how it works. There is the new curriculum. There are activities and temple trips and camp (!) and all sorts of things I don't have a clue about. I have no idea what is going on - and I'm supposed to be in charge!
And finally: I feel a bit like the loser leader. I'm not into fashion, or decorating, or hair and makeup. I'm a frumpy lady, who likes to read. I feel pretty different from the other leaders. And then I wonder why on earth I'm here, and feel like I have nothing to offer.
I keep telling myself to give it time. In a couple of months I'll know the girls better, and then a lot of things will fall into place. It feels a lot like going back to high school, and I wasn't exactly confident in high school. I need to remember that I'm not a teenager again, I'm a grown up. A confident, happy grown-up, with loads of life experience under my belt, a family I adore, and a solid testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ. Because that's what it's all about - it's all about sharing my testimony with these girls to help strengthen theirs. And the more I think about that, the more I think, "I can do this."